Trial & Error;

one day, i'll be able to explain it all to you,

but today is not that day;

              

     

Saturn;

in the blink of an eye, it's all morphed. i went back a full year later, and it was no longer the safe haven i'd known, the pub on the corner where i got over it all/him. closed; opened; new.

time is shiftable, & i've used that before. 

walk with me, won't you? slow dancing in a burning room. memory lane is crumbling with every step; it's all illuminated now when i look back and see your smile. is that a glint of madness in your eye? it matches mine. 

mischief & magic;

daylight's imploding into the night sky's stars. 

"don't be so cynical," he says. we're still dancing and the room is on fire and you're explaining the infinite.

how rare & beautiful it is to even exist/

i couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again/

i tried to write it down but i could never find a pen/

i'd give anything to hear you say it one more time/

that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes;

everything changes but somehow we're all still exactly the same, exactly where we need to be. i didn't know it while it was melting all around me but the year that just happened was the year of a lifetime. truly/ brutally/ honestly. 

but nothing baffled me more than seeing you at the end of that crumpled, bashed down little road. 

"hello my old heart," he says. 

SMILE. SHIFT. REPEAT.

Expectations;

this. this is important. it's all i've ever asked for, it's all i ever wanted. call it daddy issues/ constant+crippling fear of abandonment. we're getting real here, the dirty truth. it's my one vice, my one request.
show
up;
and i'll be waiting.

Jesus Christ;

this took me back. fresh beginnings; new smiles. 

old friends & forgotten lyrics/

this song took me back. 

he wasn't hers anymore but he still showed me the songs that reminded him.

and here we are. 

this took me back because i'm back.

the darkness isn't as scary anymore 

maybe it's because i know when i turn around,

i'm going to see that he's always been right behind me.

transported back in time; slingshot me to what's to come. 

this song took me back to you.

Me; Myself; I;

and i want a moment to be real;
 you can run in circles all you want but you'll never belong. not really anyway. people are so strange and unexpected and predictable and.
and you'll never be able to wear the mask the way they do, and you'll never be able to run away from what you feel and you'll never let them take advantage of you.
the way you speak/ the clothes you wear/ the blood in your veins; it's not theirs.
and it doesn't have to be.

i'll never let anyone change me. not anymore.
if this year has taught me anything, it's that no one can be trusted and no one can make me love myself any less. you were good for laughs but i don't need your toxic venom in my life, i really don't.
it dragged me down, it made me question myself in ways i really didn't even care about, it was sad.
i'm sorry that i said goodbye, but i found something better along the way.
and i'm walking alone from here on out.

Engima;

bless my darkness; bless my light.
i've finally found it. tangible/here/there/mine.
gone. (cryptic?)
i've found it. have you?

Answered;

is this what you were trying to say?