Le Beirut;

That could have been me. 

Among the nurses working in the dark with nothing but flashlight to guide them.

Among the men and women grasping at the hands of those crushed around them.

Among the frightened and helpless and the brave and strong.

Yet here I am like so many others,

Children of the diaspora. 

Glued to screens, trapped across oceans and seas

But feeling every shard in our hearts. 

Immersing ourselves in guilt and shame for having ever left our homes. 

Homes that we grew to respect, to love, to cherish after years of tumultuous growth.

The city of lost youth, of bursting blooms, of endless nights under the stars

Art exploding on the walls of every zawarib, 

Stairs of turquoise, magenta, periwinkle blue 

Beirut ya Beirut 

My heart imploded with you 

My soul left behind in the soil of your earth now scattered across the land

My heart imploded with you

We shook and trembled with you, 

In Mourning we stand 

Watching from behind a glass wall as if trapped in a haze.

I await the day Beirut where you will rise again, 

The Phoenix in all its glory

Magnanimous.

Majestic. 

Magnificent once more.

Free.

Nine;

ya zaman, ya zaman, ya zaman

oh father time, she says

won't you slow down for me?

i don't think He can 

even if He wanted to

the oud is strung while the dervishes spin

&

there's little lines where her smile fades

but the mischievousness never will

grandmothers/grandfathers and all the love they'll never show

from a world her children do not know

from a world her parents were never from

(oh, generations)

your oriental mind weighs heavy now

the burden of another Atlas, they say

running/run/running

did you stop to see his smile in the sun?

there's a laugh carried by the wind 

i hear it now.

i see what i couldn't before,

the blur comes to a halt;

and there you are in front of me

and there i am in front of you.

Four;

i was only playing with the moon
let me inhale your spirit.
exhume your soul.
betray me.
l.
o.
v.
e.
me.
fear me.
look me in the eye & make me believe;
there's no more to life than what we perceive
there's more to life than what we see
but i, i've got 
a war on my mind/
a world on my shoulders
a wounded heart.
(ego)
meditation meditate meditation
for semblance
of peace of mind.
i let my mind wander & it never came back.
and after it all,
i was only playing with the moon.

Three;

it's a whole other world out there. 

unprecedented rage/

the children asked for none of this

fire in their lungs/

strength in their fight.

there's empathy here;

a power from deep within. 

I wanna be king in your story

but I'm already the Queen.

One;

I always felt that it was wrong/to lay my world in foreign hands

it all got mixed up in my head,

move here/ move there/ move

sun. shadow. sand. snow.

confuddled.

who are you going to be?

a solid question, she says/

any answers? look the other way;

I see a way out & I can hear an echo that begs to be followed

that's

a 

lot

of 

question

marks

I don't have anything figured out, but does it matter anymore?

i'm sure no one has anything figured out

that's the only thing I do know, really.

I see a way out & I can see the sun on the horizon 

just call me foreigner;

Saturn;

in the blink of an eye, it's all morphed. i went back a full year later, and it was no longer the safe haven i'd known, the pub on the corner where i got over it all/him. closed; opened; new.

time is shiftable, & i've used that before. 

walk with me, won't you? slow dancing in a burning room. memory lane is crumbling with every step; it's all illuminated now when i look back and see your smile. is that a glint of madness in your eye? it matches mine. 

mischief & magic;

daylight's imploding into the night sky's stars. 

"don't be so cynical," he says. we're still dancing and the room is on fire and you're explaining the infinite.

how rare & beautiful it is to even exist/

i couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again/

i tried to write it down but i could never find a pen/

i'd give anything to hear you say it one more time/

that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes;

everything changes but somehow we're all still exactly the same, exactly where we need to be. i didn't know it while it was melting all around me but the year that just happened was the year of a lifetime. truly/ brutally/ honestly. 

but nothing baffled me more than seeing you at the end of that crumpled, bashed down little road. 

"hello my old heart," he says. 

SMILE. SHIFT. REPEAT.