One;

I always felt that it was wrong/to lay my world in foreign hands

it all got mixed up in my head,

move here/ move there/ move

sun. shadow. sand. snow.

confuddled.

who are you going to be?

a solid question, she says/

any answers? look the other way;

I see a way out & I can hear an echo that begs to be followed

that's

a 

lot

of 

question

marks

I don't have anything figured out, but does it matter anymore?

i'm sure no one has anything figured out

that's the only thing I do know, really.

I see a way out & I can see the sun on the horizon 

just call me foreigner;

Surprises;

yea you worry too much/so don't worry so much

these words are my life. i immediately panic, i'm a cynic; i'm a saint/i'm the devil himself. 

you say you want me and is it all i wanted to hear?

"you care about us."

i care about you. i need you i crave you i miss you.

but i will never know if it's enough.  

maybe this is good for us right? i mean we made it this far, who's to say we can't wait a little longer?

only time will tell;

who cares anyways?

i want to lose my mind with you but life keeps getting in the way/ hitting pause. 

let's save this dance for a rainy day; 

              

Mixtape4;

• josef salvat; open season (une autre saison)
• kid cudi; all along
• erik hassle; one last ride
• duke dumont; ocean drive
• seafret; atlantis
• the national; i need my girl
• billie eilish; ocean eyes
• fayrouz; habaytak tansit nawm
• switchfoot; only hope
• noah & the whale; blue skies
• kodaline; moving on
• matchbox 20; unwell
• the oh hello's; hello my old heart
• joseph attieh; habeit 3aiyounak
• one for the team; questions & panthers
• josef salvat; hustler
• harrison storm; be yourself
• erik hassle; talk about it
• badly drawn boy; in safe hands
• bloc party; pioneers (M83 Remix)
• james blake; retrograde
• the national; don't swallow the cap
• she & him; i could have been your girl

Revelations;

i think i just had an epiphany. while listening to this song and drinking hot cocoa and fixing a broken door (and no. that's not a metaphor, my door actually broke and a shoe was used as a hammer and it was all very confusing and ridiculous looking). but i think things will be better from now on. or at least i hope they will. that's all i can do. that's all i do. sit and hope, hope and sit. and pray that if i can just get my erratic and tangled thoughts together for just like 10 minutes, i can figure something out and make sense of what the fuck is going on and just breathe. just. breathe.