you're a liar if you say you're over it. I never wanted to still be sitting here, still hung up over everything and anything. i've been thinking that i think too much. i do, i really really do. and i don't know why. i want to see you, but i can't. i won't. i can't. everything's a mess again, but when is it not? this smile plastered on my face is starting to crack and people are starting to notice. i'm panicking, i need help holding up this weight on my shoulders, my knees are buckling. this is it, i'm falling. boom splat. breathe. breathe. remember the light. this is me looking into your head. I've cut through your skull already; it's all a matter of interpretation. what does your mind hold? am i in there? was i ever? if i say i was, then i'm self centered. if i say i'm not, then i have low self esteem. which i don't. but i do. i'm very indecisive today. i don't even think i liked purple until you linked it to me. i wasn't chill until you made me chill. i wasn't a user until you used me; cycles. i wasn't a bitch until i decided that i don't have time to be nice to everyone. i'm a wild card. but so were all of you. where do they all vanish to? if only you knew my story, the things i don't say, the thoughts i think. maybe then you wouldn't disappear on me. and you, all of you, one of you, none of you, i hope you'll one day find happiness. no i don't. i'm so close to naming the lot of you on here. and i'm so mad, mad all the time for you leaving me in the lurch. and it just keeps happening to me. over and over and over and over. i open up, you shut the door. and i want to be heartless, i need to shut the feelings out. but fuck it, i can't. i never learn, never will. just talk to me before i lose my mind.
