Eleven;

i'm restless 

i'm restless

i'm restless

for whatever comes next;

how rich you must feel, enveloped in the arms that will never let you go/

how enlightened i feel for having witnessed anything at all;

treasured. withered. evolved. 

i'll tell you a secret, 

(come a little closer now)

there will always be something standing in your way,

until there's not.

the winds blew her to smithereens.

the rain battered her down.

the ice cemented in her bloodstream.

such sad brown eyes

but a better lover there never was.

a better love there never was.

twisted silence/please decipher

until she woke up anyway.

you're okay, you're okay, you're okay. 

i'll tell you another secret:

we haven't the faintest idea of how it will all turn out,

if anything i only become more confused with each year added to my life.

but we're becoming so much more, so much more.

and yes, i

fall apart a little bit every day, 

but i

am struggling gracefully 

and i

am growing magnanimously. 

muscle memory. 

Saturn;

in the blink of an eye, it's all morphed. i went back a full year later, and it was no longer the safe haven i'd known, the pub on the corner where i got over it all/him. closed; opened; new.

time is shiftable, & i've used that before. 

walk with me, won't you? slow dancing in a burning room. memory lane is crumbling with every step; it's all illuminated now when i look back and see your smile. is that a glint of madness in your eye? it matches mine. 

mischief & magic;

daylight's imploding into the night sky's stars. 

"don't be so cynical," he says. we're still dancing and the room is on fire and you're explaining the infinite.

how rare & beautiful it is to even exist/

i couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again/

i tried to write it down but i could never find a pen/

i'd give anything to hear you say it one more time/

that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes;

everything changes but somehow we're all still exactly the same, exactly where we need to be. i didn't know it while it was melting all around me but the year that just happened was the year of a lifetime. truly/ brutally/ honestly. 

but nothing baffled me more than seeing you at the end of that crumpled, bashed down little road. 

"hello my old heart," he says. 

SMILE. SHIFT. REPEAT.