Eleven;

i'm restless 

i'm restless

i'm restless

for whatever comes next;

how rich you must feel, enveloped in the arms that will never let you go/

how enlightened i feel for having witnessed anything at all;

treasured. withered. evolved. 

i'll tell you a secret, 

(come a little closer now)

there will always be something standing in your way,

until there's not.

the winds blew her to smithereens.

the rain battered her down.

the ice cemented in her bloodstream.

such sad brown eyes

but a better lover there never was.

a better love there never was.

twisted silence/please decipher

until she woke up anyway.

you're okay, you're okay, you're okay. 

i'll tell you another secret:

we haven't the faintest idea of how it will all turn out,

if anything i only become more confused with each year added to my life.

but we're becoming so much more, so much more.

and yes, i

fall apart a little bit every day, 

but i

am struggling gracefully 

and i

am growing magnanimously. 

muscle memory. 

Swimming Lessons;

sometimes i get like really overwhelmed by this world. the sheer amount of existence and life just everywhere, on every corner, in every eye. it's weird when you sit and think about it. in one day alone you can pass by 10, 20, 30 people, maybe even 100s. and every single one of these people has a story. every. single. one. i just want to let that sink in. everyone has a life, and a past and future and a now.  sometimes they don't see it but I do. and what's so fascinating is that they all have a place in this world and every step they take makes a change. domino effect. ripples in the pond of this great big world of ours. drip drop drop. and it's funny, but it's sad too because a lot of people aren't even aware of what they are capable of. there's a distance in your eyes only mine can see. so i guess what i'm trying to say is everyone matters, and everything you do makes a change somehow. won't always be good, won't always be bad. but it will be something. and isn't that what's important?