Eight;

back.
back in your mother's arms.
jolt back to a different time/
strolling through the markets of your heart.
heart
conflicted hearts,
& damaged souls.
wistful dreams,
& mischievous adventures.
the future is yet to come they say but look he's at the door.
wedding cakes&birthday cakes;
they all taste much too sweet.
we are youth.
we are the youth.
we are youth.
and as the sun comes out to say farewell,
she's back again.
back where you needed to be/
back as if she'd never left/
she is home.

Five;

so today I wrote a song for you
you'll never hear it but maybe you'll read this
wishful thinking?

I don't know I guess I thought we'd run into each other eventually
maybe there's still time//no need anymore
funny how things work

someone called me lovely once, but it wasn't you
blessed be the broken/
blessed be the ones who broke us

what's on your mind? 
i couldn't tell you even if i tried

i rest on childhood memories 
we all got old at breakneck speed
slow it down, go easy on me 

I've got so many memories & no where to put them.

momentum's building, isn't it?

i'm not okay, but i will be.
down, down in my bones
i'll always be just fine.

I Don’t Know;

Sometimes I think of you.
Sometimes I forget you existed.
Sometimes the books are enough & sometimes they’re not.
Sometimes I sit & sing along to all the songs that make my heart ache/
Sometimes I dance.

And life is hard sometimes. Things happen that you can’t plan for, things happen to the ones you love and some things make you see it all through his eyes.
People grow apart/ people make mistakes/ the flower blooms & then there’s the moon.
And you grow and you grow and you grow but somehow you’re still the smallest person in the room.

But he’s sick and there’s nothing I can do about it.
But he’s leaving me and there’s nothing I will do to stop it.
And he’s crippled by life without her but she’s the goldest hour.

There she is. glorious/ petrified/ stupefied/ magnanimous. but there she is.

I can’t breathe; I can’t breathe; I can’t breathe. And guess again, I can’t breathe.

(You’ve been here before)

It’s not that serious anyway.

She's Thunderstorms;

breathe.

breathe.

breathe.

have you inhaled me in yet?

toxic fumes/ or so they say,

who am i to talk?

baby, i'd rather be hard to love 

than easy to leave.

the world's moving in slow motion.

freeze frame. eyes meet.

we've sped up now.

but i got news for you, i came broken.

rain fall/

i guess you i let go. 

Restless;

Witness me
Like fire weeping from a cedar tree;
The time has come for different things.
Enriching? Damning? I cannot say but darling, it's all about to change.
Somewhere to your right, she dives into the deep, blue sea.
Somewhere to your left, she bounds into the deep, blue sky.
And right in front of you, she sheds the ashes & bursts into flames.
Take me home:
Phoenix.

Forever Dancing With The Devil;

it's been a while.
shy smiles & reminisces. but maybe not so shy anymore.
i think we've all grown up a little more than we thought we would need to, a little faster than we'd imagined we would.
but it's been fun, hasn't it? look me in the eye and tell me this wasn't the year of your life.
weren't they all?
maybe i'm thinking too much. maybe i'm not thinking enough.
we'll be just fine, we'll be just fine, we'll be just fine...i know we will. i just know we will.
it's me before you, but you're standing before me.
we're on the edge, and the adrenaline is coursing.
you step back & i soar;
i guess all i needed was a little nudge to fly.

احب نفسك اولا

Me; Myself; I;

and i want a moment to be real;
 you can run in circles all you want but you'll never belong. not really anyway. people are so strange and unexpected and predictable and.
and you'll never be able to wear the mask the way they do, and you'll never be able to run away from what you feel and you'll never let them take advantage of you.
the way you speak/ the clothes you wear/ the blood in your veins; it's not theirs.
and it doesn't have to be.

i'll never let anyone change me. not anymore.
if this year has taught me anything, it's that no one can be trusted and no one can make me love myself any less. you were good for laughs but i don't need your toxic venom in my life, i really don't.
it dragged me down, it made me question myself in ways i really didn't even care about, it was sad.
i'm sorry that i said goodbye, but i found something better along the way.
and i'm walking alone from here on out.