Forever 21;

another year, another heartache. another year, another love. this life really is something, isn't it? the people that so easily become a second part of you/complete strangers within days. the incessant daydreams breaking you down never actually happen/the one thing you'd never had bet on miraculously does. stolen kisses & letters in envelopes/midnight rendezvous & birthday cake. make sense of it all, i dare you. are you even real? did any of that actually happen or am i simply imagining how just thinking about that moment still gives me butterflies/butterflies that are threatening to escape. another year, another post. this is it, right? the beginning of the end/the beginning of it all; then again, i've been saying that since i was sixteen. who's the dramatic one now?
is she happy? i think i'll be just fine.

Warped;

it's one of those blazingly bright days, reminiscent of when they first met. she's unaware that he's seen her, transfixed as if he's seen a ghost. but she does look up to finally see him. and after what feels like an eternity has passed, there's a certain sense of...weird. (hollow yet strangely fulfilling). they'd both thought about this happening, dreamed about it even. chance encounter of what would never be. but people change, and their dreams do too.
her hair's the same, maybe just a little thinner & lighter. her face is rounder and she has a tired look to her. but her eyes, no, those hadn't changed. surrounded by dainty wrinkles now, those were the eyes he'd never forgotten nor will he ever. he was haunted by those eyes that seemed to light up now as she strolled over to him. as if he'd never done what he did, as if she never cried like she had out of those very same eyes. he looked older too, more distinguished but just as tired as he'd always been. more gray in his robust beard, eyes just as dead as they'd always been. but it was him alright. awkward hug, pleasant small talk, the things they'd both once loathed. funny how time makes you change, makes you grow up. she's married now to a lovely man, 2 kids with another on the way. he's engaged to the love of his life that, as life would have it, wasn't her.
it's surreal, unreal, too real.
in another version of this, you tell me how you made a mistake all those years ago and it was the biggest regret of your life. We kiss and make up or I slap you in the face and walk away. In another, we're both already dead and then there's the one where we're too cowardly to even say hello. and then there's the reality that the whole scenario will never happen in the first place.
and then there's goodbye.

Storytime;

there was a lake. mythical & strange & shrouded in mysterious mysteries. and there was a girl, and there was a boy, and they were the best of friends. as children, they were warned to stay far, far away from the terrible lake, but as kids usually do, they did not listen. everyday at lunch, the girl would bring sandwiches & books and the boy his guitar & lemonade. and everyday, they'd sit just a little bit closer to the magnanimous water. and as time crept on, and the kids became older, they too grew closer. a love blossomed. innocent & pure, unheard of in quite some time in the lands they lived in. they did not care for riches and fame, only for the delight of each others company. and these children (for children they still were) forgot about the dangers of the lake. the stories they were once told, of illustrious silver-blue liquid that stole away your fears and dreams, of golden knights slayed by its sanguineous nature, of Nordic heroes falling into its treachery. for the lake was no ordinary lake, as i'm sure you've come to realize. filled with curses & spells of ancient times, it drew in those kind & bright of heart; the strong willed & adventurous; the cruel & skeptical. you see, it feasted on emotions; a toe in the water as it swirled systemically into the fool who dared venture too close. up & up & up it would sway and splash until nothing was left but a turquoise-tinged scaly fish. turquoise being for fear. opaque pearl for madness, sapphire for melancholy, garnet for bravery, so on & so forth. the waves crashed, the warriors succumbed and the children remained. as it were, the children were the epitome of emotion, for try as it might, the lake never did conquer illusive love. it was just one of those things, you know, those unattainable & disastrous things you can always reach for but, like the water itself, never hold. the lake needed it, for love was the strongest of all feelings; a mixture of everything and anything: fear, anxiety, rage, elation, hypocrisy, desire, passion...it had it all. love was the all encompassing sensation, love is love, all you need is love. without it, you have not lived and with it, well then you're the luckiest of them all. the lake was not so lucky and it was tired, tired of yearning & dreaming of what was so close yet farther than ever. it set a plan in motion; with every breeze, every drop of rain & clap of thunder, the lake would unleash all its power to lure in the unsuspecting lovers. and lure it did. the children crept closer, the lake pined for all they had, the cycle unrelenting.
and one day, had the lake not focused all its energy on them, it wouldn't have noticed the ripples made by the boy slowly walking past its shores, into its heart, deeper and deeper, the girl screaming bloody murder behind him. stuck in a transcendental trance, he walked on until there was no where else to walk. she followed.
and one day, two small & figurine amethyst hued fish, the only of their kind, appeared to swim infinitely in the lake's center.
one day, the lake found love. 

Puzzles;

does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me? there's a white noise as she walks. it's dark and lonely but the stars are out. does that make it less lonely? there's a strong wind, but she doesn't mind. it's late and probably dangerous, but she doesn't mind. the impending sense of a possible adventure makes her feel alive. maybe running will get her going again. she has moods. violent and thrashing, solitary tears in the night, smiles from ear to ear. she's missing something. all those books, all those years of wasted smarts and she still can't figure it out. figure it all out. there's a deceptive link; sometimes she thinks she's got it and in moments it's gone. it wasn't really there anyway. when she sees him, she thinks she's found it. not the solution to her problems but rather the reason that dims their fire. he's a different kind of fire. slow and burning and comforting. he engulfs her but lets her breathe. she laughs, smiling at the ground. how strange life is. how weird and confusing and breathtakingly beautiful. try and try as she might she just cannot fathom why he doesn't see the beauty in himself, in his words, in his quiet demeanor. stop, it's silly to think like this. falling like you did before, like you promised you'd never do again. the others around her, they don't get it. no one gets it. alone again, that's what she is. oh well.

is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be or maybe be?

Beach Waves & Sun Rays;

i'll sing you a song i think you'll like. the grass seeps into my bare back, leaving imprints to scatter on my skin. they remind me of you. it's blazing today, the sun shines overhead and the multitudes soak it up like water to a cloth. it all reminds me of you. she told me i need to loosen up, give leeway. be less harsh. silly, i know. why should i change? i think everyone's an idiot and disappointing and a waste of my time, and they know it too. am i wrong? am i building indestructible principles on pillars of sand? the waves are coming to knock them down, crash into all i know. i can feel them, tide by tide, i'm sinking into where water meets sand and it's all very quick and squishy. the sea smells of salt and sweetness, the never ending paradoxes of where we are today. who do i want? who do i need? where did all the love go? i don't know, i don't know.

Mayhem;

death is a many splendored thing. and so is love. and so is life. i love the vastness of it all, the lonliness, the spark. which one am i talking about anyhow? i like to play games, come play one with me. you won't be sorry, i promise. light & dark, night & day, we're all connected. the red string passes through us all; everyone we see, every smile we share, every decibel of pain we cause. watch what you say but stay true to yourself. irony is raining from the sky, frogs are hitting you in the face. death is not the end, and life is not the beginning. head up, chin higher. i'll never let you fall. not then, not now, not ever. to be or not to be, the only question that's on my mind.

And While We Were Here;

It's one of those films that make you think. The plot is classic +
complex; the characters, of which there are only 3, enigmatic yet
static. it's a contradiction in its entirety. it may sound like i'm
building it up, making it sound a lot cooler than it actually is but for
some reason, it sticks with me. i watch it and it makes me feel
something. i want to know what everyone is thinking: why they react the
way they do, why they cannot accept what has happened to them. time is shiftable. it's an interesting watch if you're into dry conversations, outbursts of sun and lots of room for open interpretation.