Solivagant;

(definition: wandering alone)

it’s dark. and cold. the wind whips her hair across her face but she doesn’t mind. it wakes her up. her headphones transmit one of those lonesome melancholy songs she likes into her ears, into her mind. they always make her feel sort of sad. happier songs, she thinks, i need happier songs. but where’s the meaning, the truth in happy songs? so, she continues to stand there, shivering, peering out into the darkness, a blanket wrapped around her small frame. the sky looks nice tonight, black as tar with a pearl white moon floating along. i want a burger, she thinks. or a strand of diamonds. or someone to love her the way she loves these songs. a life worth living. was there anything wrong with the life she’s living now? maybe to some, but not to others. she isn’t sure. she just knows she’s bigger than this, bigger than this place and this life. this lie. One day I’ll fly away. like the birds in her heart, always fluttering, always beating against their cage. restless. she thinks about leaving a lot, just up and leave, buy a ticket to anywhere. maybe Greece or Paris. somewhere glamorous. somewhere new. run, run, run away. would that make her a coward? never look back. who would miss her? who’d be sad? disappointed? would anyone even care? so many people are here but they’re not. not really. worlds apart, oceans in between. i miss you, do you miss me? she breathes. that’s her motto now. just breathe. mistakes pile up, bridges burn down. but no regrets, right? no regrets. she does what she has to, does what she needs to, but not what she wants to. use them and leave them when the excitement fades. something always fades. that’s what she does, wreak havoc with every step. press the distress button, she’s back again. stop. listen to the music, the melody, the words that speak so true they break your soul. read the books that open your mind, open your eyes. she keeps wandering & wondering. Solivagant. that’s what i am, that’s who i’ll be.