Illusions;

perfect night for a dance in the moonlight;
he held her so close she could barely breathe.
but a promise doesn't mean anything anymore;
moving in circles, twirling her around/
eyes sparkling so bright, rivaled only by the thousand stars smiling down on them.
i never told you everything;
a dip in the ice cold thoughts in her mind/
a swim in the fires of his soul.
i am drawing pictures i'm evading;
the musical symphonies erupting between them
echo/echo/echo
in the silence of the night.
there's something magic about her;
something so tragic about her;
wouldn't you agree? 
illuminations.
can you see it? can you picture perfection?
i can't.
the water's rising up/ surrounding the lies of an infallible love.
drowning.
choking.
gone.
there's Music in the air, it makes the sorrow go;
let the Music take you there, far from the world you know.

You're Welcome;

The Blues;

Cantis;

1; all we seem to do is talk about sex
2; but my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
3; we all got old at breakneck speed
4; so you're standing in the parking lot of life/and you're trying to figure out your fate tonight
5; i don't love you baby/ i don't need you baby/ i don't want to love you anymore
6; you are my life/  i don't deserve you/ but you love me all the same
7; i'd rather be alone than let you ferment in my bones
8; there is consolation in the human failure of our dreams
9; give me therapy/ i'm a walking travesty/ but i'm smiling at everything
10; the color of your heart is so cold
11; i'll be fine i swear/i'm just gone beyond repair
12; & i'm just a shadow of your thoughts in me
13; run from the one who you know that you love
14; from the corner of my eye/ thought i saw a light shine
15; you let her go
16; hounds in my head
17; i stole my personality from an anonymous source
18; cuz i'm here wondering/ what could you be thinking
19; but don't mind me/ i'm just a parasite on your mind
20; old souls found a new religion/ now we swimming in that sin/ baptism
21; i think no one understands
22; i fell in love with a daydream
23; but on good days, i am charming as fuck
24; انت السم و الدواء

Insecurities;

you're a liar if you say you're over it. I never wanted to still be sitting here, still hung up over everything and anything. i've been thinking that i think too much. i do, i really really do. and i don't know why. i want to see you, but i can't. i won't. i can't. everything's a mess again, but when is it not? this smile plastered on my face is starting to crack and people are starting to notice. i'm panicking, i need help holding up this weight on my shoulders, my knees are buckling. this is it, i'm falling. boom splat. breathe. breathe. remember the light. this is me looking into your head. I've cut through your skull already; it's all a matter of interpretation. what does your mind hold? am i in there? was i ever? if i say i was, then i'm self centered. if i say i'm not, then i have low self esteem. which i don't. but i do. i'm very indecisive today. i don't even think i liked purple until you linked it to me. i wasn't chill until you made me chill. i wasn't a user until you used me; cycles. i wasn't a bitch until i decided that i don't have time to be nice to everyone. i'm a wild card. but so were all of you. where do they all vanish to? if only you knew my story, the things i don't say, the thoughts i think. maybe then you wouldn't disappear on me. and you, all of you, one of you, none of you, i hope you'll one day find happiness. no i don't. i'm so close to naming the lot of you on here. and i'm so mad, mad all the time for you leaving me in the lurch. and it just keeps happening to me. over and over and over and over. i open up, you shut the door. and i want to be heartless, i need to shut the feelings out. but fuck it, i can't. i never learn, never will. just talk to me before i lose my mind. 

Runaways;

well i set out to write a post but then realized that this song actually says it all;

Untitled;

words.
they're always in my head. the words you said; the ones you didn't; the ones you haven't yet.
time travel hasn't been invented yet, right?
because i want to go back, i need to.
But it feels like there's oceans
Between you & me.
i don't know, i'm rambling again.
i have this terrible habit of self-destructing & i'm terrified that i'll detonate any minute.  
there's just so much to think about, to worry about, but all i want is to curl up with you & watch a bunch of stupid movies & read a thousand books & listen to depressing songs we can waltz to & just be. with you. & that might be asking for a lot but i'm asking anyway. 
i mean it's funny because i know you don't read this & there might be a couple people who think this is for them. as if they matter. but it's not for them, it's for you.
only you.