Multiple Choice;

A) "he's not mine," she said. "and i don't think he ever will be." "and maybe that's a good thing because things are never how you imagine and having expectations only ever sets you up for disappointment." "but I can't help but wonder what lying in his arms would be like," she told the sky, "i can't help but imagine being close enough to feel his breath on mine and his skin on my skin." she closed her eyes and felt the wind run it's fingers through her hair, and imagined he was beside her. "he's going to kill me you know," she whispered to the moon, "he's going to commit murder and the worst part is he won't even know it."  

B) i have conversations with you in my head. i know that sounds a bit weird, or actually a lot of weird. okay, it's weird, but it's true. they happen. i have these deep, life altering conversations with you every second of every day. when I sleep, you're the last face I see and when I wake you're the first. we talk about everything; life, food, music, love, sex, dreams. you engulf every fiber of me, your lips touch mine and it's magic. but it's all in my head, all in my heart. and that's a problem really, because i doubt you know. i doubt you realize that in the rare occasions i actually do see you, when eye meets eye, i forget all the clever things i wanted to say. back in my head you go, suctioned back into the oblivions of my mind. it's sad really; you'll never know what great talks we had.

C) and she kissed him. and it was raw but it was good. one of those kisses that wouldn't have made it to the big screen, but to them it was perfect. it lit something in her heart, a spark a flame that wasn't there before. and she looked at him, and he looked at her. "you know, i'm glad you're just a figment of my imagination. that this is all in my head. i know this will never happen in a million years and i'm glad you'll never give me the happiness i want from you. because if this tiny thought, 10 minutes of a daydream, can cause me this much heartache, pain so bad it actually hurts that i swear i just want to rip it out, then i don't dare to think what actually being with you will do to my fragile, bleeding heart."

D) None of the above.

Midnight Sorrows;

And if you're still up at 4 AM, you are in love or lonely, and i don't know which one is worse. i read that somewhere. i read a lot of things somewhere. and i actually think you can be both of those things at the same time or neither of them at all. this ridiculous obsession with love. it makes no sense to me, what even is love? someone please give me a concrete definition because quite frankly, i've got no clue. i know i'm young, everyone always tells me i rush things too much. and maybe i do (i do) and maybe i shouldn't (i shouldn't) but i'm scared of missing my chance. set me free of my midnight sorrow. i used to be a romantic but lately i'm slipping. i'm only 20 years old for God's sake, i need to calm down. i become so fixated on what's to come that i completely forget to stop and live. how cliche of me. it's like i'm Atlas and the entire world is on my shoulders and it's fucking heavy. it's weight is just bearing down on me day in, day out. and the more i strain against it, fight for all i'm worth, the more i realize there's no point. life will always beat you down, people will always disappoint, the rain will always fall. i'm regressing. and it's sad because i know it's my fault. i know what i'm doing wrong, but get me to care. i'm obsessed with the darkness, i will avidly search for it in those bright bursts in my gray, gray world. i let it consume me and then i get confused as to where all the color's gone. ravishing reds, lovely lavenders, breezes of blue. One by one they lay the world at my feet; one by one they go away. i'll admit defeat, i need to change. but will i actually? that's the question on my mind.